Originally uploaded by mallory,
My relationship with winter has been a constant struggle.
This year, more than ever, it is about my nemesis ... SNOW.
And, more than ever, it is REALLY about my self-will and trying to control the snow.
Add to the mix a car that has no control in the snow and there is a perfect recipe for ...
Tis the lesson I learned last evening, reading Step 3, line by line.
If I shifted my dependence on my Higher Power and the 12 Steps rather than mastering the unplowed streets of my city in a car that simply is not made to do so, I would experience serenity and would not see snow as an evil force of nature that blocks me from doing what I need to do.
This all came to a head yesterday after I drove in circles unable to find parking, got stuck several times with tires spinning on ice, as I attempted to see therapy clients who reside in a part of the city that rarely sees the likes of a snowplow. The "crazy" part of this scenario is that I kept doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results ! THAT is the definition of insanity.
I arrived home, worn out, disgusted, with my proverbial tail between my legs. I saw myself as defeated because I saw snow as the foe, instead of really "seeing" it for what it really is.
I am grateful and humble this morning for my battle with the elements last night. It brought me to a place of utter surrender, with the recognition that it is only me that is my greatest foe and not those piles of white stuff. Letting snow be snow is the true victory.