the light meets the dark
Originally uploaded by Emily Elisabeth Photography
"Faith is the bird that senses the dawn and carefully starts to sing while it is still dark."
I listened to the morning recovery meeting, discussing the Big Book chapter, We Agnostics. One of the statements that hit home for me was the fact that "God is everything or God is nothing."
It is probably one of the rare, useful exceptions for this alcoholic to embrace this particular line of all-or-nothing thinking. I was so quick to do it with people and situations when I tried playing God, so why have I had such a challenging time stepping aside and letting my brain and my heart wrap itself around that kind of thinking when it comes to the presence and power of God?
I have made futile attempts to lasso my will out of the hands of God countless times, without any real success whatsoever. I had moments of illusory success, only to discover that it was, indeed, a figment of my imagination.
I am dropped to my knees in this period of my Life once more ... with nowhere to run or hide. There is a solution to this self-imposed crisis: go Home and turn back to God who has never left me. This is the light, the continuous illuminating divine beam, that meets the dark, unconditionally, every single time. This is that bird in the quote above who trusts the light of dawn and sings into the darkness. I understand it is because that bird has no doubt that God IS ...
I am learning, after many scrapes and bruises and welts, that I don't ever have to hurt like this again if I can trust in a power greater than myself. When I try to run the show, I am saying: "God isn't". When I try to take an easier, softer way I am also conveying that "God isn't". An insight I had yesterday is that when I don't manage my money and try to get out of paying what I owe in ANY form, I am cheating God.
I have come to believe. I trust that these dark places that are still part of me and my disease will have God's light shining me into recovery.