A Program of Generosity

Helping hand
Originally uploaded by dellafels

As I listened to this morning's Big Book meeting, a myth of sorts that is held by many of my fellow alcoholics got de-bunked. I hear a lot of folks in the rooms make comments like:
"This is a selfish program."
"It's time to do ME."
"My sobriety comes 1st before anyone."

While there is a kernel of truth to some of these statements, this is not what Bill W and Dr. Bob established as AA's primary purpose. What was hit home during today's meeting is that sobriety, abstinence from a substance, is not IT. Our primary purpose is to help the alcoholic who still suffers.  AND,  we can carry this message of hope because we will have had a spiritual awakening as a result of  working the 12 Steps.   Our Higher Power works through us to help others.  

I am reminded of my favorite line in the Prayer of St. Francis:  "It is by self-forgetting that one finds."   My ego,  my selfish self-centeredness need to be put in check.  I need to embody and live soberly -- with others,  in service to others.    I have a new sponsee and she has great difficulty in this area.   She will often say that her program,  her sobriety comes 1st and nothing will get in the way of it.    So much so,  that last week,  she was willing to be insubordinate on her job in order to make a meeting, which meant setting aside the needs of others who relied on her help.   She had a very hard time hearing from me that this was not working a program at all and,  in fact,  it was being selfish.  If her sobriety was indeed a priority,  then she would need to practice the principles she's learned in all her affairs.  This is absolutely what she didn't want to hear and would later tell me that it was absolutely what she needed to hear.    My healing work teaches me that when we make room for everything to live,  we experience expansiveness as a result.   This means I can be aware of the tug and pull of my own selfishness AND be able to extend my hand to the person who still suffers.   This selfless action strengthens and adds to my sobriety.   "We got to give it away to keep it."

Our program of generosity takes on many forms:   being in service at meetings: making coffee, chairing,  greeting people as they come in; sponsoring people and working with a sponsor yourself; giving your number to newcomers and picking up the phone to check in on others; participating in after-meeting Fellowship; sharing resources; telling your story.

I spent the majority of my sobriety bone dry, spiritually starved. I didn't ask for or offer help to any other alcoholic because I had nothing in me. I was fortunate to not be seduced by the lie that my ex-partner lusted after: that once you achieved a period of abstinence, you can drink normally and enjoy it like other folks do. It ran her into the ground in less than 4 years. Witnessing the process was enough to keep me good and scared to white-knuckle my own sobriety until I could finally crawl back through the doors of AA  weary, desperate and defeated.

I don't have to live deserted on my own island any more. I am an active member of a Fellowship and I have a relationship with a Higher Power that helps me to live abundantly sober and I have plenty of riches to give away.