The Difference Project ...

Elégance
Originally uploaded by krysmo

I have been on an extended writing hiatus. Busy schedule, full life and not much in the way of real contemplative time. Not too shabby on one hand; a noticeable void on the other hand. Not devoting time to writing is like taking off from the gym because I walk a lot in between appointments. There is a difference between the two realms. Writing for me is a necessary pausing -- to reflect, to dig in and around, to reach, to explore. There is intention and I am very present.

I watched a video 2 days ago posted on my non-dual healing teacher's website, enlightment online, http://www.en-on.com. He makes a suggestion to the audience to do something for a week --- to let people be exactly who they are. On the surface, sounds like a no-brainer. But, if I get very honest and real about this proposition, it is a very uncomfortable, scary undertaking. Because this alcoholic has expectations of how things and people should be. And when they are "different", I can get squirmy and anxious and feel my history being activated.

Nonetheless, I have embarked on this mission.

You are to do this with a co-hort, someone you can be accountable to so that you each may share your progress, your struggles and your observations of how you are allowing for difference, letting people be themselves. My co-hort is another alcoholic, who I have come to know well in my local AA community.

Yesterday was Day 1 of the Difference Project.

My first opportunity was sitting in a classroom meeting 8 students at a new university that I have began to teach at this semester -- a social work seminar class to accompany their field placement experience. The first person I met was a Latina young lady. I watched her size me up. I watched myself do the same back. Another Latina woman sat next to her. They began to converse in Spanish. I felt a pang of discomfort, then judgment and paranoia: "This is what these people do when they're around non-Spanish speaking people. How rude ! I bet they're talking about me." As soon as I caught wind of my stinkin thinkin, I settled back down into myself and remembered the mission of this project. When I could do this, let these women be who they are, I felt a wide smile form inside. The "left out" feeling literally left. I took in their chatter with curiosity. They smiled back at me from time to time. And then, they began to talk in English and included me. What an interesting shift...

Several more students entered the space. Two white young ladies accompanied by a white male. He darted about very quickly and I watched him chug-a-lugging an energy drink. Another judgment popped up: "He's all hyped up on that stuff, what a handful he's gonna be." Again, I stopped. Paused. "Let him be ..." An African American woman entered very bubbly and extended her hand to me. It was a warm exchange. Lastly, another white girl and an older African woman came in. The African woman had a very thick accent. Another wrinkle in my system was here: "It's gonna be hard understanding her and they can be so pushy. I worked with plenty of them." I literally in my head said to myself: STOP. RIGHT. NOW.

And I began class, having sorted through my judgments and places of non-acceptance, seated on my tush of welcoming difference.

The class unfolded beautifully. There was a richness and an aliveness that my teacher said we would surely experience if we gave this project a go. Each person was indeed a mystery that I wanted to unwrap. I wanted to be surprised. I felt open to receiving each one.

I learned the most from the African woman. She had a great deal of invaluable life experience that makes her an asset to her current field placement. I was pleasantly surprised to see the struggle of one of the white girls and the white male, as I would often expect them to be the ones to excel through my biased, prejudiced lenses. I was tickled to hear the eloquence of one of the Latina girls as she spoke in broken English; while her speech was not perfect, her understanding of the clientele at her field placement was spot-on.

The same kinds of experiences continued to happen during my night class. I giggled aloud and was connected in ways to these students that I had not yet allowed myself to because of how their difference became a barrier rather than a gateway.

Lastly, I was the most challenged to be steeped in this mission in a text exchange with the woman I love last evening. To fully accept her where she is. To simply receive and hear her as she briefly shared how she is working through something, which could not yet be shared with me, because it is not yet known to her. I rode out waves of my history and our history in relationship. Not straying from the mission of this Difference Project, I stayed open and curious. "Let her be quiet. Let her find her way. This is not personal. This is not a rejection. This is not her abandoning connection to you. This is her journey. She runs, then returns. Let her go..." And that is exactly what I did.

I look forward to seeing the unraveling of the mystery that she is too.

And, I can't wait to see who and what today brings my way ...