Day One Hundred Ninety
Originally uploaded by Dustin Diaz
I sat in a healing space today with a friend who is wrestling with the identity of being an addict. Would actually like to toss it away forever and also knows that it's the truth.
I too tried to push down, away, and out for many years the fact that I am an alcoholic. It held stigma, shame, embarassment, self-loathing. I would eventually learn that these were my narratives about it -- not actual facts.
The healing journey that I have been on has allowed me to consciously shatter and open up space for the Truth to enter. Funny thing is ... when something is "just the truth", it no longer has a story attached to it. It just is.
I now am able to bear and even embrace this Truth: I AM an alcoholic.
It is no longer an identity to hide away, but rather it is one which has opened the doors for me to an entire community of people who have the allergy to alcohol. I have found a home, a place where I belong.
My friend's struggle today allowed me to soften and deepen my compassion for not just her, but for my former "who was" and the countless others who are in and out of the recovery rooms. Being an alcoholic does not have to be a damaging, shameful label anymore; it is just the truth of one part of the whole that is me.
I AM an alcoholic. I AM a teacher and a writer and a healer. I AM a lesbian. I AM adopted. I AM a spiritual seeker. I AM rigid and stubborn. I AM loving and passionate. I AM a swimmer. I AM a neat freak. I AM the fertile ground for the seeds of my Future Self to grow in.
There is incredible power and healing in re-claiming buried parts of ourselves. This, most definitely, is one I am grateful to have resurrected. The paradigm shift that I have experienced allows this identity to take a new shape, hold new meaning for me. I am re-committed, renewed, and dedicated to my recovery in a way that I was not open and could not connect to before. It is now with great pride that I proclaim:
"I AM an alcoholic !"
No comments:
Post a Comment