As my "who is" continues to evolve and change, my understanding of Love shifts in the movement.
Last evening, I was taken by surprise by a woman I am in an intimate relationship with: I felt love that was not tainted in any doubt. I experienced her volition and desire to celebrate an event in my life that was free from the strands of each of our histories. I invited her to this gathering and when she did not affirm that she could come, I let go of my expectations.
My old story usually had this plot: have an expectation; take an action to meet the expectation; experience rejection whenever the response is not what I want; sulk in disappointment; build a resentment.
This did not happen whatsoever.
Her story goes something like this: feel the pull of another's need/want; merge this with the feeling of being smothered by her mother; suffocate and cave in from the pressure of the burden of the other; move away or kill off the other because the whole thing's too much to take OR show up out of guilt but not really be there emotionally; eventually go away because of resentment.
This didn't happen either.
Nothing short of a miracle I would say on both ends.
I looked at her, really looked at her, for the very first time with eyes that were not wanting anything from her but to just drink in her beauty. I experienced her wanting to be there, to be with me, of her own accord.
Each of us has a separate Self that wants to connect with the other. No efforting is needed. No strings attached.
This is a taste of what is yet to come.
I have felt the drops on my tongue of what it is like to know Love ...
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