The unfolding of my snake dream is quite astounding.
Over the course of a couple of days after the reptile offered its guidance, I realized that what was here for me was much larger than me ... it was turbulence and chaos of my surroundings that I began to become sensitive to. This ranged from controversial correspondence among colleagues at work to video equipment malfunctioning to traffic gridlocks. My irritation level was rising and my ego thought it was now in charge.
In a highly frustrating traffic detour on my way home from work on Thursday, I receive an unexpected call from my ex. For a few seconds, in between rings, I quickly churn: "What the hell does she want? Fuck! I don't wanna talk to her !" And, in a split second after that mini hissy fit, the snake is right here, insisting that I pick up. I listen to good orderly direction and I do.
After brief small talk, my ex tells me that she has called to make amends. Some things she hadn't said to me previously. I am dumbstruck. She apologizes for abandoning me in our relationship, for being emotionally unavailable, for being secretive. I sit silently, my heart opening in awe, and she asks: "Are you still there?" I reply: "I am quite here; I am simply receiving you." She is relieved. We chat more and she shares news about a former mutual friend's recent diagnosis of stage 4 liver cancer and asks about our dog (the one I have custody of!). Before we're about to hang up, that pesky serpent is slithering by my ear and I listen again. There is an opportunity here for me to also make an amends that I had not previously. The growing irritation and story-making of the week has brought me to this moment. I say: "I did not get to say to you that I was very rigid and critical of you in our relationship. I didn't allow you to be exactly who you are. And for that, I am sorry." I hear her crying softly. She tells me how healing this is. I concur.
The allowance of everything to have a place, to have a right to exist, to be felt and named offers tremendous freedom from control and from fear. I can be more of who I am because I am letting others be more of who they are. In order to do this, I have to listen deeply, with all of me. And follow each thread of guidance, trusting where it will take me.
THIS is the illumination.
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