I am Responsible ...

In Buddha's hand
Originally uploaded by Nicolas de Fontenay
I am responsible.
When anyone, anywhere
reaches out for help
I want the hand of AA
to always be there.
And for that,
I am responsible.

This is a statement that is infrequently read at AA meetings. It is, in many regards, the essential message of Step 12. It is a statement not just about the personal hand extended but the impersonal, larger, fellowship hand of the AA community as a whole and what we represent.

I was not supposed to be at this morning's meeting, as I was scheduled to give a workshop. Due to unforseen circumstances, the workshop was canceled and off I went to the meeting instead. By the end of this meeting, it was clear that I was absolutely meant to be exactly where I was. A dear friend, someone for whom I have prayed to return to the rooms after many months of isolation and alcohol/drug use, was sitting at the back of the room, just 3 days clean and sober. His was the most beautiful face in the room. After we embraced and walked out to the parking lot, he shared about where this last run had taken him to in terms of unmanageability and morally corrupt behavior. He has come to understand that at the root of his use is self-loathing fueled by a litany of resentments. He's never truly had a comfort level in working with straight male sponsors as an openly gay man for fear of judgment and subsequent shame. With great sincerity in his eyes, he asked if I would consider working on the Steps with him as a "bridge" , if you will, to acquiring a full time sponsor with whom he could feel safe. There was no hestitation for me; I agreed immediately. This is what the 12th Step is about and what the "I am Responsible" statement is asking of each of us.

He and I will meet tomorrow over coffee and begin with Step 1.

When we pray for those still sick and suffering in and out of the rooms, my friend has always been at the forefront of my mind and my prayers. What a blessing to have my training canceled and to understand that there is a plan for me that is not mine to control, but is God's map for my day.  I only have to ever trust and align my will with this power greater than myself to reap the rewards.