Live and Let Live ...

NASHIK - Meditation
Originally uploaded by Elishams
The topic of our women's AA meeting tonight was from the vignette in the Living Sober book, "Live and Let Live" -- also a common slogan in the recovery rooms.

Many members shared about difficult relationship circumstances and how practicing this can help set boundaries and not get sucked into drama and some of the other pitfalls of co-dependent and otherwise unhealthy dynamics with another human being.

I did not share this evening; I had an intention to sit and listen attentively. What I was aware of for a good portion of the meeting was how I sat in judgment of a particular member as her child made noise and frolicked and how this member needed to get up multiple times to manage the situation. I felt irritated and distracted. I rode the waves of this out. I even laughed to myself as I became aware of these feelings, as it was the perfect teaching moment on the subject of "live and let live". There was simply nothing to do or say about the situation. I began to soften as I caught myself.

An even more poignant lesson was the fact that this member was the last person to share. She spoke, from a very shameful place, of her need to be at meetings and her frustration in not being a good mother and how much she is struggling trying to juggle listening and taking in what is happening in meetings while trying to have a handle on her daughter. My heart began to open even wider in this moment. All previous criticisms I had about the earlier events involving the little girl and her mother melted away.

Live and let live is about dropping the judgments and expectations I have of people and situations and moving into acceptance of difference. I realize that sometimes I might only be able to muster up being tolerant. It may take the form of restraint of pen and tongue. It may involve being quietly patient while riding waves of irritation. If I work diligently at this slogan, I will be able to find plenty of space within my relational field for others to freely express and present and be exactly as they are and still have plenty of room for me to do the same. Live and let live helps me loosen rigid boundaries and not have to cut others out because their way of being will encroach and potentially threaten my  little corner of the world.

Live and let live does not mean that people walk all over me either. Unacceptable or harmful behavior of others may still occur; practicing the slogan allows me to step back or even walk away so that I am not trying to control what others are doing, while simultaneously I don't have to participate or be affected.

Even more importantly is the fact that this slogan has 2 distinct parts:   1)  Live.   2)  Let Live.  
I've been exploring all the ways that I can be in the world with others'  behaviors,  personalities, quirks,  defects and "let live".     I need to pay careful attention,  however,  to part 1 ...  Live.    This reminds me about living fully,  individually,   with clear boundaries for myself.   To enjoy and embrace and bask in the activities of my life in spite of others,  regardless of how others are behaving or reacting.   That I don't have to be deterred from the pleasure of  living my life when others are not engaging or doing things that I had hoped or wished for.   I need to live my life no matter what is going on around me.   This is such an empowering awareness.

Live and let live, ultimately, is about freedom. All that is here has a place and a right to exist.