Diggin Out My Defects ...

Spades are Ace
Originally uploaded by Mister History
In the 4th Step, I make a fearless and searching moral inventory. If I am rigorously honest, I have the courage to leave no stone unturned in terms of examining my defects. As I re-visit this Step, what I've come to realize is that the deeper I dig, the more defect doo-doo I uncover !

Today, it was in the shoveling itself where my defect was un-earthed ... yet another form of selfishness.

I have lived in the same place for almost 4 years. I have not contributed to the upkeep of this property in any notable way. I have had good intentions to beautify the grounds around my patio, but have not made any genuine efforts until this weekend. Typically, when I have a "free" Saturday and Sunday with no plans, I can still be miserly with my time for fear that someone or some situation will gobble it up. This was one of those scenarios ... no plans except for final exams to grade. The sun shone warmly & brightly and Spring fever had me in its grip. "This was it", I decisively exclaimed; the garden project I'd been only cultivating in my head would be carried out to fruition.

Yesterday, I weeded and raked. Early this morning, in spite of the fact that my neighbor who committed to helping me did not show up until 2 hrs later, I marched to the tool shed and returned with my gardening arsenal: hoe; rake; shovel; clippers. I had my vision in the forefront of my mind guiding me ... a circular design with the bird bath in the center. The digging was back-breaking yet I didn't lose sight of my mission. At the end of the heave-hoe-ing, my neighbor arrived. He fetched wheelbarrows of mulch and then we took a quick trip to get flowers and proceeded to plant them as soon as we returned, not straying from the task at hand. It was nothing to put in Home and Garden magazine, but nonetheless it was a sight to behold.

Working in the dirt was very healing. I responded to a beloved friend, who inquired about what made it healing, that it was the act of putting my hands in the Earth and feeling the connection to its beauty -- God's craftwork. And, even more importantly, it was an unselfish task -- I was showing kindness and caring for my neighbors by giving my time and attention to making the property more beautiful.

And the treasures continued to be revealed long after the soil and my defects are turned over:   wanting to rest my weary bones after this venture,   I brought a folding chair and a book out with me and propped myself in the garden space to enjoy the late afternoon sun.   Several neighbors who I never really speak to came by -- commenting on the garden and making conversation.  One neighbor invited me to go hiking this summer with several friends.   This evening I attended a Step meeting that I love and hadn't been to in awhile. Tonight, it is Step 4 ! Then, I meet with my sponsor after the meeting and she introduces me to a good friend -- a wise woman who has a similar story to mine and who is, of all things, an amazing gardener. We all go to her place after the meeting to sit for a bit in her curbside nirvana -- these gorgeous, carved out gardens that she's worked on for several years in order to improve the view of the busy highway that her apartment building sits on. She's agreed to give me a greenthumb consult next weekend and even share some plants with me.

Diggin out my selfish defects allowed for an abundance of generosity to flower.