Living on Earth

Planet Earth
Originally uploaded by Ben Heine
To some extent, while the work of my healing school has been the most painstaking of my life, occupying the All-is-One Universe named Briah and its impersonal threads has been far easier than living on the plane called Assiyah or what we know as earth.

This is where I turn to another path for some help ... AA. A design for daily living among the earthlings.

I think that for the past 10 years or so, I have been drawn to a spiritual path. The problem, however, has been when I have opted for residing among the auras and chakras and vibrations and yoga positions and various deities while cutting out the basic tasks at hand right where I stand. Some refer to this as a "spiritual bypass";    I constructed a 4 lane superhighway !

Over the past year or more, I have definitely landed ... not softly either. Right now, I am in the throws of balancing how to be God-centered AND really thrive on the plane which operates in a currency I am lacking ... money.  Something that has a cost is always in front of me. Sinking into my current Reality yesterday brought me to a kind of existential crisis in which I didn't want to be attached to it and the recognition that I need to make do with what I have. I have fantasized of living like a monk and then the pendulum of thought swings all the way over to being a multi-millionaire lottery winner ! As I drove back from my last appt on Friday heading into the weekend, windows rolled down and sun beaming on my face, I got that same kind of feeling I used to have during my drinking days: "It's so nice out and it's the weekend, I deserve to have .... " And I was off & running to Me-Myself- and-I- land, which is not a place where my feet touch; it is a destination in my mind.

Once on the ground back at home, I could feel a volcano of emotion getting ready to erupt. I barely got in the door before the first spits of hot angry lava came pouring out. A fury of resentments about my current conditions, along with projections, blaming, unmet expectations and then the hurt showed up in every form of self-pity and self-deprecation.   In the midst of this fiery mess,  I sought a cooling down reprieve by checking emails.   There was news about a healing classmate and a cancer diagnosis.   The inferno of feeling began to simmer.   I paused and sat on the floor for awhile.   Finally,  I felt my own tears of defeat as I took in what I considered to be a "real crisis".    I rocked and sobbed ...  for her,  for me,  for all of the suffering.

I began to write an email to my graduating students whose gathering I was to attend that evening to say that I could not come.   I felt like I couldn't do it,  that I would be bad company.   This is an old pattern of avoidance that reared its ugly head. A way in which I do not want to be with Reality as it is. I deleted the letter. I got into the shower and began to sing my prayers to God and I couldn't tell which water flowing down belonged to me amid another cascade of tears. I did the 7th Step right there, in my literal nakedness, and asked God to remove all of these defects of character.

As I got out of the shower and stood there looking straight into my own eyes in the mirror, I experienced such a shift. I looked lovingly at myself with a tenderness that didn't feel personal. I believe in my heart that this was what I hear people talk about when they have a moment of Grace. I saw my own humility.

I went to my students gathering and had the time of my life. I talked and met more of their loved ones and I danced and danced.   Today,  I will call my classmate and ask her what she needs.    This is living on earth.