What a long, strange trip it's been ...

rubber soul
Originally uploaded by fotobananas
I have dreamt consistently for the past several nights in a sort of timeline, as if I were looking through a slideshow of my life. There are scenes that had been wiped from my conscious memory banks and others that were long forgotten. Few are precious and many are bittersweet.

There is a question that is posed in one of Shakespeare's sonnets that goes (I am paraphrasing in my own words): "What if [at the end of our life], we find this was all for nothing?"

The memories that have been revived in my dreams only allow me to see snapshots -- a fragmented view of the composition of my life. By themselves, they are not deep or poignant or noteworthy. By themselves, they do not represent the sum totality of my journey.

A friend gave me a set of CD's as an early birthday present recording the poet, David Whyte. It is on the 1st CD that he discusses the above Shakespeare question. He emphasizes to the listener that it is not necessarily Shakespeare's belief that our being here is for nothing, but rather that it was important that we be able to ask ourselves the question, to really let that question live.

If I fell off the face of the earth, would my absence be felt?
That is the question that arises in me in response to Shakespeare's question. The response from the Universe comes in a whisper that enters my chest from the back: Yes. Absolutely.
This is not a stroking of my ego moment here. I am asking for the Truth. If God lives in each one of us, which I believe, then the presence of God that lives me into the world has touched others with whom I've had contact, just as I have felt the Divine in so many who have touched me.

Why am I here ? What is my purpose ?
To heal.
To love.
To know God.
To teach and to learn.
To feel joy as deeply as sorrow.
To carry a message of recovery to another who suffers.
To beautify the planet.
To plant seeds for those who follow me.

I have taken winding roads, dark alleyways and thorny paths to get where I am today. I have been dishonest, afraid, selfish and hurtful to people along the way. I have been kind, attentive, loving and generous to people along the way too. All of this is necessary and in God's plan for my life here on Earth.

What a long, strange trip it's been ...