Sunday, October 24, 2010

Tuning In ...


Cuba Gallery: Radio / vintage / retro / grass / wood / background
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As a 48 year old woman, I still surprise myself. I forget sometimes how such small things are so enjoyable to me. It's simply about remembering what I like. My merging with and wanting to please others in the past, particularly my former partner, found me abandoning the memories of the things that brought me real joy. I re-discovered another one just yesterday: the radio.

The impetus for this reunion with the radio had to do with my baseball team being in the playoffs.  I could listen to them on the radio in the car,  but alas,  not online because these are the "big" games and aren't broadcasted online.  In several conversations with my sweetie,  a deeply passionate baseball fan and radio listener,  she was stunned that I didn't own a radio!   This is when it really hit me -- how I turned my back on a former pleasure.  So I took myself to a Radio Shack yesterday and purchased a good old fashioned radio.  I haven't had one in years.   I was beyond tickled last night as I sat in my big overstuffed chair in the livingroom,  grading mid term exams and listening to my ball team's nail biting last game,   losing their opportunity to enter the World Series this year.  

I am listening this morning to my favorite college station, which has a lovely Sunday morning program called "Sleepy Hollow". It's often instrumental or jazz or blues music, featuring songs from movie soundtracks. I used to listen to this program every weekend when I first got sober, 20 years ago. It was part of my morning routine. Then, when I began dating my former partner, she didn't like the music on this station; she preferred R & B. And, like the good co-dependent ACOA, I ditched my favorite station and adopted hers. I like THIS music and would never choose an R & B station over it today.

And here's another thought ... as a person living alone, I forgot what incredible company the radio is. Transmission from the outside brought to the inside. There is a whole world out there amid the giant signals towering high above life on the ground. I love being reunited with musicians and instruments that I haven't been this intimate with in quite awhile ... Joni Mitchell,  Tom Waits,  violins and saxophones.

I am finding great comfort spending the morning with my old, forgotten friend. And even more so, appreciating the return to myself  because I was tuning in ...

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