The Faces of Love and Hate

Red all over. . .
Originally uploaded by Keir D. Chapple
In my teacher Jason's book, there is a passage that says, "... we are born with the inherent ability to see all of reality, with its contradictions and opposites. When our God is very small, these contradictions and opposites feel dangerous to us. But when God is allowed to be God again ... these same things just make us feel alive."

I did not have a real felt sense of the words in this passage until an experience with a man in my training class today brought them vividly to life.

At an agency where I do a substantial amount of workshops, I facilitated a Sexuality Awareness training. I have only offered this a couple of times. A man around my age sat in the back of the class and I had never met him before. He has been with the agency just under 1 month. One of the discussions in this training is about how our values and belief systems impact how we view sexuality. This man made it known quickly that things like masturbation and homosexuality were sins, abominations and that it is pointed out in the Bible. I could feel the temperature of my blood rising as it coursed through my veins. This man made it known that he was a Jehovah Witness and, at one point, even placed his "Watch Tower" publication in plain view on the table.

I paused deep inside myself before responding to this man's statements. I captured in a general way his statement on the easel: "Religious position can impact sexuality" as I did not want to blatantly oppose him and I also wanted to model that he had a right to have his perspective equally seen along with others. I did share, however, that when it came to educating individuals with disabilities, our personal and religious views needed to remain with us and that it was not therapeutic to impose any of our beliefs onto our clients. I watched this man wriggle in his chair uncomfortably and he would frequently lean over to the woman next to him to mumble barely audible comments.

The contradictions and opposites that Jason refers to are right here: God's love is reserved for those who follow a certain path that the Bible has found acceptable and moral; Hate is what those who don't follow this path deserve for straying in the ways that they have. The stronger one's religious convictions are, the more the world and its people are divided into right and wrong, the smaller one's God is. Because anyone who is not like me and believes like me is dangerous.

At the lunch break, I texted someone near and dear to me to request extra prayers for this situation. I had many waves of transference to ride, trying to balance my nausea with the need to eat a meal that would sustain me through the afternoon. Before returning to the training room, I went into the bathroom stall and asked God for an open heart.

The second half of the workshop centered around sexual orientation. I was prepared for a potential battle in which Bible verses might be flung across the room at me. Instead, the man in the back kept his fidgeting confined to his chair, yet I could tell that his discomfort was quietly escalating.

At the end of the session after most people exited, this man approached and asked if he could talk with me. I welcomed the opportunity to have an exchange, a meeting of the faces of love and hate. What I received was beyond any expectation. The man shared with me that he came to this training to understand. He told me that his brother is gay. He struggles with the messages of his church and the way of life he has chosen for himself and not wanting to shun his brother like the rest of his family has. It appeared that some of what I exposed him to today brought about confusion, shattering some of his in-grained beliefs. I was able to say to him that he was quite brave to come to a class like this, given his religious background. I also offered that perhaps his placing of the Watch Tower magazine on the table in front of him served as a kind of armour -- to shield him from taking in perspectives which are so opposite of his own. He shook his head in total agreement.

What a powerful learning experience for us both. I return to Jason's words above: "When God is allowed to be God again, these same things [contradictions and opposites] just make us feel alive."