Original Sea

Golden Fortress
Originally uploaded by Zack Schnepf
In my Daily Reflections reading this morning AND in my teacher Jason's book, the passages echoed one another: the Daily Reflections was about Letting Go of Our Old Selves and Jason's passage was about a concept he calls the "Original Sea" -- which is also about letting go of our old selves when we are in the unknown, specifically the concepts we've operated by from our past. He instructs: "You are not your father, you are not your mother, you are not your teacher." And then he drops the bomb of a question: "Who are you when you relate to others with this awareness?"

What Jason is getting at is what Bill W and Dr. Bob were getting at in Step 6, which is what today's Daily Reflection is related to. My take on both is this: If I let go of my "who was" , complete with her defects of character and associations with her childhood wounds, who is the "who is" that is left standing ? This feels like what is meant by the Original Sea. The next question becomes: Am I brave enough to be willing to have all of these defense mechanisms and histories and ways of being removed and turned over to God ?

My healing work over these past 3 plus years has brought me closer to this place of entering my Original Sea. If I am honest, there are still small ripples of being my father's chastized daughter or the baby given away by her biological mother or the one who has inklings that she could be taken advantage of. AND, this is true: these things are no longer huge waves or deathgrip undercurrents. I am not drowning in myself or in the Unknown.

In my Original Sea, I relate to others as an anchored, direct, clear speaking adult. I know where I begin and end and where you do. My fullness is in my eyes and I am not hiding behind them or merging wth yours. I can hold space in and around relationships that is vast and spacious. I do not personalize your projections or actions that are pointed in my direction yet are about you. I am empathic and compassionate but not so sensitive and emotional that I can't discern whose feelings I am experiencing and why. I recognize that I am in control of almost nothing and that the only thing certain is the present moment.

Right now, all I have to ask God for is willingness and to be ready.

And then I can really set sail in my Original Sea.