Dignity ...

B&W Homeless Portrait, Vancouver | SMC Takumar 50/1.4
Originally uploaded by dubesor
As I was returning up the street from my walk with Iman, I went to deposit her poop bag in the nearby dumpster and inadvertently startled a homeless man who was rummaging for food. I asked him how he was doing and he didn't look up from his mission. He looked very gaunt and shaky.

I quickly walked Iman back into the house and as swifttly as I could, I gathered some easy-to-grab food items: trail mix bars, apples and made a hearty sandwich. I put them all in a large ziploc bag and ran very quickly around the corner to the dumpster in hopes that he would still be there. And he was. I quietly said: "Excuse me, sir. Would you like to have some things to eat?" And he looked up into my eyes and just said "Yes" and I handed it to him. I then walked down the street to the man who sells newspapers, as I wanted a Sunday Inquirer and as we stood there having a conversation about the playoffs (he was wearing a Yankees cap and I commented on how brave he was to do so in the heart of Philly territory!), the homeless man walked across the street, munching happily on the sandwich and he said: "God bless you" and continued on his way.

I have no idea what it is like to be homeless or what it takes to seek out food and other basic survival items living out on the streets. What I understood today was this: being able to hand this man food that he could carry with him would at least temporarily help preserve his dignity -- if only for today. The fact that I was discarding a bag of dog shit in the same place he was desperately searching for his sustenance just didn't feel right or humane or dignified.

I am reminded by this interchange today of how many people in recovery experience incredible, undignified "lows". This is where the cunning, baffling, powerful pull of alcohol (or any substance for that matter) can take us. I don't know what the circumstances were for the man I met today and perhaps there was a time when he had a home and enough to eat. And hopefully, his situation will change and he will see that again.

During my alcoholism, my hygiene, my behavior and my morals sunk to incredible lows. That I would smell the crotches of soiled or stained jeans to see which pair was the most tolerable to wear because I wouldn't spend my booze money on wash is one such example -- something I couldn't even fathom doing today. Or drinking leftover beers the morning after a party. Having sex with an ex-con and not using any protection. These were my "dumpster" moments. Nothing to be proud of or to hold my head high over. Just "what was" at that time period.

And I am overwhelmingly grateful for "what is" today.