Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Li Tov


~ Just dew it ~
Originally uploaded by ViaMoi

Li Tov.
Hebrew for: In me, there is good.

This was the title of my Kabalah Yoga session that I chose this morning. Each position formed the Hebrew Letters that spelled Li Tov.

Prior to doing yoga, I arose early to meet my AA sponsee. We spoke today about compassion and, most importantly, her compassion toward herself. She has had a view of compassion that was only about what she extended to others. She is a care-taker by nature, a nurturer and, on the extreme end, co-dependent as any upstanding alcoholic often is ! She is her worst enemy and her inner critic is brutal. Others, including me, see the good that is in her. I think part of that is because we are folks that finally have been able to see the good that is in us. Li Tov.

After we met, I returned home to take my dog for a long walk and to do a non-dual practice at the field that I've been gravitating to these past couple of weeks. About 5 minutes into the practice, a woman with 2 unruly pitbulls entered the field. I needed to stop, as my dog was likely to be their breakfast ! I was initially irritated, but this dissipated quickly. I recognized that I could do the practice back home when I returned (or not) and that my intention to do it, to begin it and to even stop it when I did in order to look out for my dog's safety was all included. It was the right thing to do. At another point in time, I may have been selfish and continued on, only concerned with getting my practice in and disregarding my dog. Or, being totally resentful of the woman who disrupted what I was doing. These were not my choices today. Li Tov.

When I got home, I decided to do yoga. This was my introduction to Li Tov. My heart began to spread open like the petals of the flower depicted here. Wanting to receive and be received. Feeling the goodness that is in me. Touching and tasting it. Right after the yoga, I transitioned into the practice I had begun out in the field. It was meant to be done right in that moment, in that space. There was something very intimate about being in my meditation room and not outdoors. My senses were heightened now. My petals still extended, feeling each miniscule thread move the most intricate parts of me ever so slightly. My entire body tingling from even being shifted an inch. It was the kind of sensations that I have experienced in the moments leading up to an orgasm, whether it was through self-love or being made love to, when it was completely possible to come without even having direct vaginal contact. Finger touching finger, tongue tickling ear lobe, nipple to nipple. AND yet, in the context of my practice, it was not sexual at all. It was a deeply personal, bodily experience and it was the impersonal contact with every flower petal-finger of the world touching one another.

It was exquiste and alive.

And then, toward the latter part of the practice when dropping into a phase of "seeing the world through the heart", the statement -- or what would deemed a vasana -- came through clearly:
"Nothing matters." And then again, with different syllable emphasis: "No Thing Matters".

It didn't feel sad or apathetic or uncaring. It just was a statement of fact. It was for that moment. No. Thing. Matters. And in that statement, what I also felt as equally compelling was: Every. Thing. Matters. If one is true, then the other is true as well.

As I ended the practice, I got on my knees and raised my hands in prayer to every being that made it possible to have this practice today.
Including myself. Li Tov.

No comments:

Post a Comment