Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Blossoming ...


Turn your Face to the Sun
Originally uploaded by Ben Heine

Tonight I had the pleasure and privilege of hearing one of my sponsees tell her story of experience, strength and hope. She will have 8 months of sobriety tomorrow.

This is a woman who is determined to be sober. She brings a journal to every meeting and furiously takes notes, hanging on every word of every share of every member.

I met her at a Sunday night meeting, almost exactly 8 months ago, when she had 3 days of sobriety. She could barely look anyone in the eye, let alone hold her head up, and she shook like a leaf. Her self-esteem was on the sole of her sneaker.

She asked me to sponsor her when she was approaching 5 months of sobriety. I respected her discernment of waiting to sort out just the right person for the job. By this time, she had more of herself and it was apparent that she had grabbed onto this program by the horns and wasn't letting go. She asked for homework. She said she needed structure. She wanted to understand the Big Book because it didn't make sense to her reading it on her own. She wanted to work the Steps.

She and I meet faithfully, every Wednesday morning at 7:30am, over coffee. I have witnessed first hand a woman who was getting pricked regularly by the thorns of her past begin to weed her own garden, asking for her soil to be nourished and fed in our meetings and by her therapist and a support circle she created. Tonight, I saw a tall, strong, flower blossoming -- wide open.

Her story is less about the way she drank and more about what was fueling it. With great dignity and grace and unwavering integrity, she shared her experience of being an awkward, overweight, spectacled girl, who never felt like she belonged and then a young teen who was repeatedly sexually molested by her brother and how the culmination of all of these factors was the catalyst for her soothing and self-medicating with alcohol and food. The room, comprised mostly of men, fell silent and in awe of this brave sharing.
The statement that was the most impactful for everyone tonight was when she said the following: "In AA, I have learned that I don't have to keep living my history, that I can simply live my life."

Members of our group were struck by her honesty. The door was now held open for some people to speak openly about their own abuse as children and how grateful they were that this subject was given a voice.

This is a woman who strengthens my program on a regular basis. I just shared with a loved one tonight about how much I am getting out of being a sponsor. When I left our regular Wed morning coffee meeting today, I felt like whistling as I walked to my car. This is the joy of living that is spoken about in the Big Book. Recovery is where we go from being slumped over, nearly dead at our roots to rising up, turning our faces to the sun, and blossoming.

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