Saying NO to Bullies !

Lets Go... I'm ready!
Originally uploaded by DBCoop77
One of the more gratifying aspects of my work with individuals who have developmental disabilities is facilitating a Relationships Group every other week. The topics vary and sometimes are suggested by the members themselves or, in a case like today, the subject matter presents itself.

At the start of group, there were 2 new members who were asked to introduce themselves. As one member shared her name, "Dorothy", an outspoken male in the group yelled out: "Go back to the Wizard of Oz, Dorothy!" Some individuals laughed out of wanting to align with this intimidating member, while others expressed their dislike for his actions by making faces or mumbling to themselves. I made a snap decision in this teachable moment that our group topic would be about teasing -- how it affects us and how we can hurt people when we do it. What I never could have imagined was the depth of discussion that would follow.

As members, one by one, gave their answers to my opening question: "What have you been teased about in your life that has bothered you?" , the responses were specific, honest, and heart-wrenching :

Being called retarded behind my back.
Having kids getting off the school bus throw things at me.
People who stare at my crippled hand.
Kids in my neighborhood try to tickle me and poke at me.
Being called fat.
My father gets in my face and tells me I'm dumb.
Kids in high school always called me a faggot.
Boys tried to push me out of my wheelchair.
My brothers threw food at my head at the dinner table.
Kids would try to take my shirt off.
Being followed around and having my name shouted in my ear.

After their sharing, I suggested that we do some role plays and use their actual scenarios so that I could model ways to respond to the people doing the teasing.

As I posed each scenario, the hands quickly flew up to volunteer for the role play. Some people were anxious to be the "teaser" while others were much more content in being the one who would respond. One young lady during her role play took a firm stance and pointed her finger at the male member doing the teasing and shouted: "I say NO to bullies!" The entire room cheered and rolled around in fits of giddiness in their chairs. This role play was so popular, that I told them we'd have to now call this class the "Saying NO to bullies" class if it was ever repeated in the future.

One of the most poignant role plays, however, was the young man in our group who had been called a faggot. He announced to all of us that he was gay and that being called this is a "mean thing to do to gay people". This was the first time I would explore the subject of sexual orientation with this group. I was blown away at their openness -- far greater than the general public. Several members told this young man that they would stick up for him and he could love who he wants to love, it doesn't matter. Me thinks the entire Christian Right movement would benefit from less Bible-thumping and instead could learn a great deal from this supposedely "impaired" group of individuals.

A woman with Down's Syndrome who has great difficulty in being understood, as she has challenges with her speech, was surprisingly clearer than I had heard her in over a year. She had much to say to everyone. It had to do with her physical features and how she doesn't like it when people at the grocery store stare at her and move their children away from her. She was filled with conviction as she spoke, raising her fist like the other member before her and saying "NO !" in the loudest voice she could muster.
More applause erupted from the room.

It is a day like this where I bow humbly to each of those men and women in the circle around me and recognize that I am but a student sitting amongst many brilliant teachers. They seized the opportunity to empower one another and to claim their personal victories over the acts of cruelty bestowed upon them by ignorant others. They can say YES to the beauty of who they are and expect to be treated with dignity and respect while being able to say NO to anyone who tries to tell them otherwise.