Carrying the Message ...

Gołębie pocztowe / Carrier pigeons
Originally uploaded by Rrrodrigo

In the old tradition of AA, a "12th Step" call was one in which AA members were informed that a drunk was in desperate need of help and you went to where that person was, often in psych wards of hospitals or behind bars, to carry the message to them. Today, sometimes a 12th Step call is tamer and more "pro-active" than the days of old; I participated in one such call this evening after my home group meeting.

I ended my blog entry Monday night stating that I would be praying for 2 souls in the Big Book meeting that evening who were not yet ready to stop drinking. Ten minutes into tonight's meeting, one of those souls showed up in the back of the room. When our eyes met, mine was filled with tears of gratitude ... that perhaps God was indeed watching over this man. At the end of the meeting, he approached me and shared that he liked what I spoke about at the Monday night meeting and how he had overheard my friend, the guest speaker that night, and I talking about seeing one another this week at both the Tue night meeting and the Wed night one, which he is chairing this month. This man decided that he would come to the Wed night meeting, as it was close to where he lives and the fact that it would be St. Patrick's Day and the temptation would be great to go out and get blasted. As we talked at the end of tonight's meeting, I invited him to meet some of the guys and get their phone numbers, which were readily offered. As it approached the time for us to all exit the building, this man asked my friend and I if we might have time for coffee afterwards; he was very concerned that he would likely go to the liquor store, his urge very strong, and he was trying to not drink -- at least just for today. My friend and I looked at one another and recognized the significance of this request -- a 12th Step call in the making -- and agreed to go with him.

When we arrived to the coffeeshop, I was delighted to see that 3 more of our members followed and came to support this man. We pulled together a couple of tables and gathered around him. He was anxious and distraught and yet, it appeared, quite relieved. We all shared stories of what this period looked like for each of us when we were not quite ready to stop and yet knew we had to at some point or it would destroy us. This man listened intently, his eyes brimming with water. He kept saying: "I think I'm ok, I don't want to burden all of you." One of our members looked at his watch, noting that it was 9:45 and the liquor store could still be accessed before the 10p closing time; we had no problem sitting with him for as long as it would take.

As the coffeeshop was also closing at 10p, our new friend looked at all of us and proudly said: "It'll be 3 days in a row now, this is a miracle!" He expressed his thanks, hugging each one of us tightly. We reminded him about using the numbers he collected and someone went to their car to give him a meeting schedule and even offered to meet him tomorrow.

There is something so raw and so touching and so tender about sitting with someone who has not yet wanted to surrender, to fully acknowledge their powerlessness over the addiction and YET, at the same time, is desperately seeking help. We have all walked those very shaky steps. It is an extremely vulnerable, humbling, awkward, terrifying crossroads in one's life approaching the point when you know that as you keep playing the alcohol roulette wheel, the booze is winning each and every spin.

As I drove home, my heart was full and my heart ached for this man. Our job was to carry the message; his job, the far more strenuous and grueling task at hand, is to keep coming back, not taking that first drink, making meetings, calling people AND taking that very first Step to admit he is powerless over alcohol and that his life has become unmanageable. All I can do now is to keep praying and to be awake to the 12th Step moments and keep carrying the message.