Friday, March 12, 2010

God, make me a channel of Your peace ...


Where there is sadness joy
Originally uploaded by Jim Frazier

This entry's title is the opening line to the Prayer of St. Francis. It is a universally-known psalm, not tied to one particular religion but rather to spirituality. In AA, it is also known as the "11th Step Prayer", because it is connected to the work of this Step: " Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out."

The Prayer of St. Francis was the topic of discussion in last night's meeting. This was the 1st time in 6 weeks I could attend my favorite women's meeting. I now teach on Thursday evenings, which conflicts with the time of this meeting. I didn't realize, until last night, how much I miss the women in this meeting , the depth of discussion, and the strength and hope that is found in the members.

As the chair read this prayer aloud, the room fell silent and a wave of goosebumps made the rounds to nearly all of us. You could actually "feel" this in the room. After the prayer was read, the chair spoke about the contrast between who she was when she drank and even in early sobriety compared to who she is now in relation to how she "lives" the tenets of this prayer. What she shared resonated with me -- every word. Her message was about the growth and shift from viewing oneself as a victim, unable to consider others in a selfless way, looking to see "what's in it for me?" and how living like that is in direct opposition to what is being asked of us in the principles of the Prayer of St. Francis.

My heart literally vibrated taking in each line of this prayer. I shared last night that when we move to the 11th Step prayer, it's like "sealing the deal" with God in terms of the 9th step Promises. We see all these great things in The Promises materialize as we make a pact with God in the 11th Step Prayer. We are offering ourselves, having turned over our will, to be in God's service: "Make me a channel of Your peace". It isn't about choosing and seeing if this feels like a possible option, like: "I'm considering being a channel of Your peace -- if the time and circumstances are suitable." Absolutely not ! This is a healthy surrendering of myself to carry out God's plan, his intention, for me.

"Use me, God, to do your work in the world with others." This is my take on what the Prayer of St. Francis is about. And, as one of our members so humorously shared, the principles of this prayer are NOT so you can go out there like some care-taking superhero and "fix" people and situations ! "Here I come to save the day!!!!!!! Let me bring love where there's hatred so I can make everything all better." The line is: "Where there is hatred, I may bring love." It feels like this is about being that channel, in service to God, that I embody a spirit of love in situations that have negative energy. And by showing up in this way, carrying out the principle without a hidden agenda or motivation or seeking applause, something happens that is beyond me or the people involved because it is of God. It's like the nesting of opposites in my Kabbalistic work; a 3rd thing arises just by the very nature that you are holding two opposing forces or things. Each subsequent line of the Prayer of St. Francis have opposing forces: wrong/forgiveness; discord/harmony; error/truth; doubt/faith; despair/hope; shadows/light; sadness/joy. This Prayer is asking each of us to be in the presence of the "nega" force and to show up in the "oneg" spirit of God and, when we can really do this, a 3rd thing does indeed occur that is a power greater than ourselves.

My favorite line, however, of the whole prayer is this one: "For it is by self-forgetting that one finds." Self-seeking, ego-centric, selfish behavior has no place here. These things get in the way of real discovery and uncovering. Last night, I spoke about this line and shared the following: "This kind of self-forgetting isn't about me losing myself or abandoning myself in relationship to others. It is about knowing who I am, solid in that feeling of my rootedness AND, from this place, I can be in relationship to another and not have to bring "What about me?" into the mix. I can be present to another's venting, pain, sadness -- not taking it personally or believing I have to change them or fix anything. This allows me to really SEE them, just as they are. I can stay there with them and "be". As one woman said in this meeting: "God is." Period.

And, as many of us acknowledged, living this prayer in our daily lives is easier said than done. We might have glimpses, moments, even a day of experiencing this and then that little unhealed ego rears her ugly head ! Progress not perfection. This Prayer is available to us anytime. I re-visit this daily. And, as I review my interactions in my day before going to bed, I can ask that I have the opportunity to be in service again tomorrow. Perhaps for longer than I did today. Or with more compassion. Or with extra help.

God, make me a channel of Your peace ...

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