May I be Useful ...

Team Work 2
Originally uploaded by Redcorn Studios [Redboy]
Dear God,

I must continually work toward unselfishness.
To be unselfish is to be useful.
When I am selfish, I am useless to myself, You, and others.
Help me to stop thinking on only me and to stop hoarding not only material things but also my thoughts and feelings from others.
Dear God, grant that I may practice what the Program teaches me.
My life has been saved by what others have given me.
I must, in turn, give it away to keep it.
~ From the 12 Step Prayer Book, Vol. 2

This was the first email I read after prayers this morning, Today's Gift, that I receive daily. These words went in deeply. I felt God's purpose for me in these words and that more would be revealed.

At my home group meeting tonight, a young woman with whom I've made a spiritual connection sat next to me and said that she had something important to ask me at the end of the meeting. She & I have met a couple of times to talk about Program on a more informal basis as well as to troubleshoot about one of her challenging sponsees. After the meeting was over, we stood in the parking lot and talked. She had been really thinking about what is important to her in terms of a sponsor as well as how she feels about her own ability to sponsor. She revealed that she is now going to therapy and made a decision to "refer" her only sponsee to someone more capable. And, she also shared that the more she has connected with me and heard me share, the more she "wants what I have". We made a joint decision tonight that I would sponsor her. The timing was impeccable, given the words of this prayer and the "sensing" that I had after taking in this prayer -- in particular, this line: "I must, in turn, give it away to keep it."

I have, to some extent, hoarded my thoughts and feelings from others in the Program -- when it comes to considering taking on a sponsee. I have been selfish about my time and about taking on the responsibility that comes with being a sponsor. My perfectionism has also played a role: "What if I don't do this right?" "What if I don't live up to their expectations of what a sponsor should be?" I am aware that these thoughts are not rational or based in true reality, but instead are my projected fears.

Every day, as part of my 3rd Step Prayer, I say to God: "May I be useful to you and to those in my fellowship and in my spiritual community" And, up until recently, I had only given that request lip service while reciting the prayer but not truly putting myself "out there" into service. Last week, I participated in a 12th Step call. I have made the occasional pot of coffee, cleaned up, chaired meetings, told my story. These are pretty easy forms of service, all things considered. The real "juice" of the program is in the relationship of Sponsor and Sponsee. Each person's program is made richer and more solid because of this partnership -- especially when it is done in the spirit of generosity and an intention for sharing our experience of what works and what has helped in our own sobriety AND a willingness to listen and learn.

My Program is what it is today because of the trusting, mutual, connected relationship that I have with my Sponsor. There isn't a thing I can't say to her or she to me. Her experience and wisdom is invaluable. Her understanding of the Steps and her own interpretations of practical daily application really resonates with me. I have gained much and do not want to be selfish with these many gems I have been given.

Tonight, I was presented with a gift to be of God's service. May I be useful ...