Keepers of Light ...

Refiner’s Fire
Originally uploaded by Mike_tn

I attended my 30 year High School reunion last night. Normally, I would be very apprehensive and even skeptical about such an event, as I am not terribly nostalgic about this time of my life. I was beyond pleasantly surprised, to say the least.

In connecting with some very dear souls last night with whom I have not had any regular contact since high school, I came to learn that my all-or-nothing thinking that would have me only recollecting the darkness of this time, would be illuminated in some tender memories they shared with me.

Upon seeing one friend in particular, someone I spent an enormous amount of time with from 7th through 10th grade, my heart seemed to overflow. We saw each other across the room, shrieked, and ran into a full embrace, with me picking her up off of the floor. We spent a good hour or more talking and re-connecting. My cob-webbed memory banks got a housecleaning in this conversation ! My friend reminded me about our talks in another friend's basement (a woman, who I would find out last night, died 2 years ago after a valiant battle with breast cancer) while we listened to the Doobie Brothers and Styx and Chicago. What took me back was when she said: "Did you ever write that book?" And I gulped, tears coming to my eyes. In a flash, I was flooded with memories of how I would tell my friends that I wanted to write a book. She added: "You always said you wanted to write something that would make an impact on people, that would be unforgettable." How quickly I would dismiss this dream until about a year or so ago when my passion for writing was rekindled here on this blog. She also shared about how our talks at that time, being such young teens, were very deep, thought-provoking, even spiritual. Again, these are memories that got tossed -- perhaps as my father's drinking was progressing and the stress in our home was becoming more taxing.

There would be other conversations like this with a few others. Like having helped a friend during a troubled time. Or how I faithfully cheered on a particular group of guys at their swim meets. Or the way I brightened someone's days at school, who never communicated this to me until this reunion. My heart opened wider and wider, able to receive these unexpected gifts.

With some people, it was like time never passed and we never missed a beat, picking right back up where we left off and meeting each other exactly where we are.

These treasures, in the form of old friends, are the keepers of light. They have held the shining moments of this time period and kept the flame flickering long after I had blew the candles out on my teenage years. It did not feel like a glorification or a re-living of the past, but rather it was a reality check. My reality back then was tainted and skewed toward the gloomier aspects of life. I am also aware that I likely spent much of this time period dissociated and in a trance. What an incredible experience to be present to this and to wake up.

Lastly, the way in which I was regarded by folks at the reunion was a testament to my living more soberly and following this spiritual path. I was told countless times by both the men and women of our class how beautiful I was and radiant and that I had a certain kind of "glow" that they had not seen before. Many people made comments such as: "You REALLY look like you're enjoying your life." In high school, one thing I do remember vividly was that I was never someone that people would ever give the label: "beautiful". I was regarded as funny or a clown or a goof, but never seen from my inside-out. That, I believe, was the beauty that was being reflected back to me in my classmates' statements. Today, I can take that in fully.

I am in a place of deep gratitude today. For the experience of re-uniting with both old friends and with the old me. I am thankful for these keepers of light.