Sunday, August 15, 2010

On My Knees ...


María full of grace
Originally uploaded by Villi.Ingi

There is no question in my mind that the simplest and most powerful tool I have is prayer. When my knees are heavy, my heart is lighter.

In my non-dual healing practice group today, this gem was shared:
"To the unhealed ego, people are hell. To the healed ego, people are heaven."

When I am not praying and in regular conversation with God, I am acting from my small, unhealed self with my historical baggage in tow. In this place, I want to judge others, I want to shun them, I want to blame and shame them. I want to ride the bumpers of slow drivers and roll my eyes at people in bank and supermarket lines.
When I pray and am in connection to my Higher Power, I can be behind those same pokey drivers and waiting in those long lines with irritating people and am better able to make room for everything and to recognize that, if my transference shows up in the presence of others, "I am this, too." What it comes down to is that the very things that irk me in other people, irk me about me.

Prayer helps me get right-sized and in Reality. It enables me to trust my inside in response to the outside. In non-dual healing terms, it is utilizing the wisdom of Tiferet (wise sage, God-voice) to inform Yesod (desire to connect). In AA speak, it is Step 3, through and through.

I used to think that prayer had to be eloquent and positively focused. I am coming to understand that it is whatever I am meeting at the time I begin to speak to God. Some of my latest prayers have included statements such as:

"Help me -- I don't like what is here and I am struggling"

"I want to be with each unknowable moment"

"This fucking sucks. Can you take this please ?"

"I don't trust right now and I want to trust again."


In conjunction with alcoholism or any other addiction or affliction, prayer helps to lift the obsession. To be able to ride out one challenging or painful moment and make it into the next moment - which is occasionally worse, but mostly improved.

Life, in general, is always better when I've been on my knees.

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