Wednesday, August 4, 2010

On the track laid down for me ...


Stazione abbandonata di S.Bernardino - Long train running
Originally uploaded by Funky64 (www.lucarossato.com)

In this past weekend's non-dual healing retreat, our teacher Jason spoke at great length about the concept of vision. A piece of his talk that has struck me since returning home is about moving out of our trance and following instead the track laid down for us, as we continue to travel forward. On this "pure subjective" train, I have a car that carries feelings, another transporting thoughts, one for transference, another that holds dreams and so on. And the train is not something outside of me that I am viewing; I am the moving vehicle, gliding along each unfolding track that is the path of my life. God is both the track layer and the conductor. It is with deep faith that I chug along, sometimes slowly and sometimes swiftly. I understand that if I jump the tracks, it is because I didn't trust God's plan for me and took my will back and have to literally get "back on track".

Over the past couple of years, I have viewed varied terrain from the windows of my train. I am always most comfortable when the landscape is predictable and familiar and in broad daylight. Sometimes, however, it is so dark that I am scared I will become a literal train wreck. This brings me back to a place of trusting my conductor and knowing that in the willingness to keep moving forward, I am traveling toward my truth and more wholeness.

Returning from this retreat, my train has entered a long tunnel. It is dark yet I have an awareness of light peeking in just ahead. I am anxious and cautious and yet I cannot NOT proceed. This leg of my journey is connected to the next phase of the relationship I am in with a woman I love deeply. She is forging ahead in her own truth-train, in another tunnel, most likely pitch-black and perhaps with a sense of light too. She is taking the next step toward the ending of her marriage. It is a time of great courage and bravery and riding the rails of complete unknown. And yet, she too trusts the track laid down for her. She has asked for the souls in our community to hold her train on this path, perhaps to even be cemented into the concrete of the tunnel which is guiding her in the darkness.

This is a literal leap of faith. Each of our trains are following a particular set of tracks, with the hope that we will eventually ride toward the same station. There are no guarantees even in this. Her train may continue on a set of tracks that move far far away from mine and vice-versa. Either one of us may de-rail. We may actually collide. My only mission in this moment is to continue on the track laid down for me and she, on the one laid down for her.

This is about trusting God's unfolding for each of us. To not question or expect a particular outcome but to be engaged in and ride fully into the life of what is now. This moment is all there is.

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