Acceptance

acceptance
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On a Thanksgiving evening you can count on very few things to be available and open, outside of gas stations and quick marts. What is ALWAYS accessible on a holiday, no matter the time, is an AA meeting. I planned my day around being able to go to my favorite women's meeting and was grateful that my family was so flexible about eating earlier than usual so that I could leave to attend it. And, even more fortunate, the usual meeting spot was taken by a private party's T-giving dinner, so one of the founding members of this meeting - who happens to live in the same complex as the meeting place- opened up her home to all of us so we could gather. This is the beauty of the fellowship of AA.

The chairperson of tonight's meeting chose her favorite passage on pgs 416-417 in the Big Book as the topic for discussion. A key piece of this reading for me is as follows:
"Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in G-d's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy."

Talk about hearing exactly what we need. Every time. Without fail this is true ! This reading meets me where I am. Life is absolutely not a struggle whatsoever when we accept it as it is, on G-d's terms. As G-d's plan for us. One thing I shared tonight is the fact that during my early years of AA and then my absence for the next 16, I did not accept my alcoholism. I didn't even use the label to identify myself and chose, instead, to refer to myself as a "recovering person". And, subsequently, I did not live in a sober way because of my lack of acceptance of exactly who I was and the disease I had.

This entire year's work in my return to the rooms of AA has been in the area of acceptance on so many levels. That I am indeed an alcoholic and can say those words comfortably when I introduce myself at meetings. That my life became unmanageable and that I am powerless. That G-d's will rather than mine is what works. That I had resentments and, in turn, harmed people and had to make amends. That I have defects which got in the way of me living in a sober way and being able to have healthy relationships.

All forms of selfishness that I wallowed in for most of my adult life were statements about not accepting life on life's terms. These behaviors were, instead, a big "fuck you" to G-d and to life. That is what I was doing when I lived as a victim. I was basically telling G-d that what was in the big plan for me was not acceptable and that I knew best and I was going to control it and anyone in the way of how I wanted life to go had to be destroyed and was mean and not "for me" but against me. This is an exhausting, excrutiating way to exist. And that's all it was ... existing. Because to live, to be IN LIFE, is to accept life -- all of it, the joyful, the painful and everything in between.

"G-d, grant me the serenity to ACCEPT the things I cannot change."
That line is at the beginning of that prayer for a good reason ! I finally get it ! *Lightbulb moment*

When I have acceptance about people and situations, I can drop expectations. I can also discard being attached to outcomes. This is a complete relief. And it does indeed bring peace, serenity.

Acceptance is surrendering to what is here in my path. Acceptance is being patient with the pace of life and how it unfolds. Acceptance is putting my faith and trust in G-d. Acceptance is saying YES to my life.