Sunday, November 22, 2009

One drink away ...


A Day In The Life Of A Stray
Originally uploaded by Ashlyn's Photography

Tonight's speaker's message was incredibly humbling and powerful.

He is a prominent figure in the local rooms of AA. He has 23 years of sobriety and is a successful, well-respected businessman. His entry into AA was in a homeless shelter. He had lost his job and found himself on skid row. He went to his first AA meeting in the shelter sporting institutional-issued, ill-fitting pajamas. He shared how much he was in denial about his state of affairs, believing he was a "catch" for the women at the shelter leading the AA meetings, in his scrawny 125 lb frame (mind you, he's about 5' 10"), permanently blood-shot eyes, and body odor. He identified as being as suave as the stars on Miami Vice that he watched on the 20 inch black & white TV in the shelter's community room. The power of alcohol and alcoholism is to be respected.

This miracle of a man spoke with complete dignity and humility, absent of any shame or remorse as he told of his shaky beginnings. It reminded me of the line in The Promises: "We shall not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it." He reminded all of us that in remembering the sordid details of his alcoholic past, it keeps him away from taking that first drink on any given day.

What I took away from his story was the fact that I can never be too confident or cocky or comfortable about my sobriety. I am only 1 drink away from a new bottom. While I was not homeless, nor incarcerated, or kill anyone during my alcoholic drinking, it is not to say that if I picked up a drink today, I wouldn't find myself in one of these predicaments.

As I look around the room of any given AA meeting at all the varied faces and our unique yet similar stories, I sometimes feel a rush around my heart and chest at the absolute living miracles we all are.
"But for the grace of G-d ..." That slogan is more vivid to me today than ever before. I cannot take for granted that I am exactly where I am because of divine intervention and G-d's will for me on this particular path.

After hearing a story like this man's tonight, I am also keenly aware of the road I could have traveled, had I not stopped drinking. I need to have this in my consciousness to maintain my sobriety. A scenario that's played out in my head in thinking about my life now if I had continued drinking may look as follows: living on the streets or in an institution; remaining unhappily heterosexual for fear of coming out; never having moved ahead in my education and teaching college students; awaking daily in the throws of panic symptoms; most likely having severe health issues as a result of alcohol consumption; possibly dead. This is not a pretty picture and it is an extremely sobering one.

As I have heard many folks in meetings proclaim: "I do not take a drink under any and all circumstances." I really get it. I also understand "One day at a time" in a way that I had not before. It made sense in theory and, today, I am living it. And it works.

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