Put me in coach ...

Football field
Originally uploaded by Vicent de los Angeles

At tonight's step meeting, we focused on the 11th step. I am always so moved by the Prayer of St. Francis that is embedded in this step and the powerful action of seeking conscious contact with G-d.

The speaker at the meeting had a wonderful way to relate to this step, using the language which helped him when he first got sober. It was to view G-d as the headcoach on a football field, holding the ultimate playbook, and that his [the speaker's] only task was to ask for the plays he was to carry out, nothing more. This speaks so much to the other portion of this step -- "praying only for the knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out" .

I love this metaphor and can relate to it so much. All that is required of me is the willingness to get out on the field to play and await my coach, the big G, to call the shots. It is not about coming up with strategies to outdo my perceived opponents or who I am aiming to tackle or being driven to control the outcome and be successful -- in this case, a touchdown. Working this step, from the place of this metaphor, is about how to be a true member of a team and how to cooperate, work and play with others and, more importantly, listen to the guidance and wisdom of the one who is at the helm, in charge of each player's direction.

This step is another way that we surrender our self will and ask how we may serve, how we may carry out what G-d has laid out for us for the day. In the Prayer of St. Francis that is part of this step, we ask G-d to "make me a channel of thy peace". I am the messenger of spreading divinity, of embodying love, of delivering kindness, of living in integrity, of acting from a place of selflessness.

A young woman in tonight's meeting had a beautiful insight to share about her understanding of this step in her life. It has to do with the death of her brother 15 years ago and the fact that she just became aware that the manner in which he died was not what she originally thought it was. She had a story that was based on assumption and heresay that her brother's car crash was a suicide. She found comfort in believing that he was relieved of the torment of his mental illness. Recently, she was informed that his death was an actual accident. In finding this out, she began to find fault with G-d -- how could he have taken away her brother's life against his will? A wise person in her life reminded her that this was G-d's will for her brother and it was not hers to question or control. And that G-d's will for her is something different. There was such a grace that entered the room at this moment of revelation for her ... that even in the most tragic of circumstances, we do not know G-d's reasons yet we can find peace and acceptance in understanding that it is his will, not ours and there is a purpose bigger than us that is being met.

There was such a "settling" in the core of my being taking in the essence of this step. And relief, too. I am simply being asked to show up and the rest of the details are up to G-d.

Put me in coach, I'm ready to play.