The splendor of surrender ...

In the presence of another world
Originally uploaded by Midnight-digital

At tonight's Big Book meeting, the speaker chose a piece from Into Action, pgs. 84-85, which begins Step 10. The lines that really spoke to me were as follows:
"... our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. The problem has been removed. It does not exist for us."

The speaker highlighted tonight re: the full passage that when we get to this place in our sobriety, we have completely let go of our will. That, in fact, AA is a program of surrender.

I get goosebumps all over my body everytime I walk into a meeting and I receive exactly what I need to hear. The lines I cite above capture where I am, in this very moment, in life. And it isn't just about alcohol. It's about having a dramatic shift in my attitude toward the things that used to bring me terror. That I avoided or wanted to escape. And I do feel like what I am experiencing is effortless. Each time I've asked G-d to remove a defect or when I pray for strength or peace or wisdom or an open heart or a variety of other things -- for me and those I love -- it really does just come ! And I am not fighting things like I once did. My need for control has been given a major lift. My resistance has subsided. When I pray each morning and am aware that it is not my will that will move me through my day but rather G-d's plan for me, there isn't anything else to worry about, to manipulate, to conjure up. There just IS.
And, the feeling of "neutrality" that is in this passage is both an outcome of my AA program and my practice of Impersonal Movement (IM). It is not a "settling" or being "complacent" feeling at all; it is, instead, a feeling that I have a place in the world and I am part of the currents of life -- actively moving and yet not taking control at all of how I move or the direction I move in.

Since my post on Saturday and the events of that 24 hour period, I am utterly amazed at what has transformed in my interior. It is the very essence of tonight's passage. Turning the situations of my life that are beyond my control (and recognizing that they are out of my control) over to G-d enables me to deepen my faith and my trust in the unfolding of life in a way that I have not experienced before. My feeling of connection in relationship to those I love is beyond a shadow of a doubt. A certainty that transcends daily life. In Kabbalistic terms, I am locating myself in a way that does not involve anyone and yet is in relationship to everyone and everything. I feel my Tiferet (wise sage within) in every cell, in my every movement. I am not doubting or questioning. The usual turmoil of anxiety and fear in my head has had a reprieve. I know I am being guided to take the next right action and when to take no action. And simply when to pause.

This is the splendor of surrender ...