Powerful women ...

Gabbra woman - Kenya
Originally uploaded by Eric Lafforgue

I had the great honor this evening to be invited to a women's AA gathering at a member's magnificent home. What I didn't know was that this has been a tradition, every Sunday after Thanksgiving, for the past decade. The woman who hosted is actually someone I know fairly well from meetings; opening up her home to the local women in AA is the way that she's been giving back since she got sober, 10 years ago.

There were about 40-45 women in attendance. What struck me the hardest was that I knew nearly every single one, minus 4 or 5. And, even more so, that I didn't know a solitary one just a year ago. And some of these women I saw enter the rooms for the 1st time; to see their blossoming before my eyes is miraculous. And, to have some of the "old-tiimers" tell me that very same thing tonight, leaves me humbled and deeply grateful for the limitless gifts of this program and of my healing work.

And, to think that I considered not going to this. Too much work. Can't be bothered. Don't feel like being at a social event. I'm glad I waited this stinkin-thinkin out a bit and understood that it is part of my resistance and the ways that I isolate and don't come forward to bring myself more into connection with others. I'm glad that I didn't take the "easier, softer way" today. I actually asked G-d this afternoon, after finishing grading my students' papers, "Point me in the direction of what I need to do next?" And the answer came quickly: "Be with the women." I understood. Even more serendipitous is this: about 15 minutes after I sat still talking to G-d, a text came in from one of my AA friends to remind me of the address of this gathering, with the message: "I look forward to seeing you today." There was certainty in those words. My direction was solidified.

As I drove up to this member's home, or should I say "estate" (friggin huge), I was a bit intimidated. This is a neighborhood that I have driven by and often wondered: "Who can afford to live THERE?" This is the very kind of thinking that comes from a place of "What about me?" I learned quickly today: "And, me TOO." This member and her husband are both lawyers. I found out that she does a lot of pro bono work to "give back" to folks who can't afford legal services. She is so down-to-earth, you simply would never know she has this lifestyle; it is not anything she ever flaunts.

Walking in the door, I was blown away by all of the familiar faces. Not to mention, as I got settled in, all the diverse faces. What I love about AA is that alcoholism touches and impacts people across all lines of ethnicity, age, socioeconomic status, you name it. And we represented ALL of those things today. Women were there from meager beginnings, such as being homeless or living in crack houses to women, like our hostess, who came from great wealth. There were women with physical disabilities, battling cancer, overcoming illness to women who've run marathons or are self-made yoginis. Older Christian African-American women sat with tattooed Caucasian lesbians (that would include one inked yours truly). Women with less than 2 months of sobriety mingled among women who have 3 decades plus. And we are from all walks of life, from bus drivers to nurses to stay-at-home moms to social workers to pastry chefs to school teachers to lawyers to waitresses. And, as the first woman to share in our meeting tonight said: "I look around and all I see is powerful women."

Amen, sister.

You could feel the energy of this in every chair one of us occupied and in the spaces in between. To say it was an honor to sit among these women would be an understatement. I had tears in my eyes, filled with gratitude. And I have a place to come and celebrate my sobriety and my fellowship of women and my womanhood every Sunday after Thanksgiving.

As I looked into the faces of each of the women in that room, I thought to myself: "I AM one of these powerful women." And I earned a chair here. And that's because of every one of these women who either walked before me or who walked with me or have not yet arrived.

I shared tonight about all of the ways that I separated myself and created a story about what was wrong "with THEM" and how I turned my back and pointed my fingers at people in AA as being the reason why I didn't go to meetings. And how I was sitting in this huge room with all these familiar, beautiful faces and that I was so thankful to find my way back. And how I have been fully embraced and not shunned. And that I could not imagine my life without this community. To think that I believed for all of these years that I "got this", that my will worked and I didn't need anyone else. I'm glad I got out of my own way. I am grateful I don't have to do this alone.

I am in incredible company. Brings me to my knees ...