Living with Compassion

Child living near Stung MeanChey Garbage Dump Cambodia - Has a sponsor now
Originally uploaded by changinglivescambodia.org
During this week, I have been diligently working with not just the idea of "compassion" but how to really live and practice it in my daily life.

This movement has been inspired by listening to Tara Brach, reading Pema Chodron, and really taking in the words to my favorite passage in AA's Big Book, from the story "Acceptance was the Answer" (which was just read last night at a meeting and it was given to me by a woman from the same meeting at Christmas -- on a lovely typed "bookmark"-- that I posted right next to my bathroom sink and read daily).

Here is the passage: "Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I would not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."

What I am discovering this week is that as I allow my heart to open toward 1 person, situation, or even aspect of myself where it had been previously closed, I can actually feel the widening and the room for more people, situations and aspects of myself to receive tender attention from my heart, from this place of compassion.

This was very apparent in the following situation that literally just happened this morning when I was giving a workshop at a community residence. About 1/2 hr into the workshop, a resident at the home where I was doing the training, began to interrupt and get loud and gain certain staff's attention. I could feel the impatience and irritation in the room among the staff and within me. I would normally have little tolerance for this and consider this individual "disruptive" and want someone to take action to remove her. In pausing, and really taking her in and what she was seeking from us in her actions, I realized that here we all were, in HER home, and she was looking to simply belong. From this place in me, I invited her to sit and join us. I was the recipient of many disapproving looks and rolling eyes. And I remained steadfast in what my heart was asking me to find room for. She got so excited about this invitation and found herself a seat on the sofa right next to a staff member. As I continued on with the topic, I broke down some of the concepts so she could understand them and I asked questions directly of her so she could participate. Her responses and her answers blew most of the room away. She understood much more than had ever been expected of her. It was clear that she was thriving in this learning atmosphere and felt a "part of", rather than a "cast out". We even had a discussion about not using the label "client" and she shared that she wants to be treated "just like us". Much to everyone's surprise, the inclusion of her in this training added so much more to the topic and the discussions.

The really interesting thing was this: when she had listened to as much as she wanted to and "had enough" , she quietly excused herself and went into another room to watch T.V. There were no other interruptions.

The staff all remarked afterwards about what they learned about this resident and what she is capable of. It was incredible to witness this young woman be seen and included and really feel her heart's longing to be amongst others as an equal, where she felt a true sense of belonging.

When I got up to leave, this young woman came over to thank me and gave me a hug. Tears welled up in me from the genuine gratitude I felt from her. And for my own heart's calling out to me to make room for 1 more.