Putting our roots back into the Universe ...

A splash of color in winter
Originally uploaded by playzwifstonz

The miracle is not to walk on water;
but to walk on the earth in awareness.
~ Thich Naht Hanh

I made an intention this morning to awaken and begin the day with presence.

After being on my knees in conversation with G-d, I attended to all of my plants, ensuring they had enough moisture, and removing any dead leaves to make way for more growth, turning some of them in their pots so that the parts that had their backs to the light could now face the sun.

And then I decided I'd sit quietly, with my dog on my lap, and listen to Tara Brach. Her talk today, interestingly enough, was about turning to nature: our inner nature, the outer nature, and human nature. She entitled the talk: Downwind from Flowers -- based on a true story of a Tibetan man she cared for in hospice who could not tolerate the chemo and hospital treatment and literally put his cancer into remission, following in his Tibetan tradition, by sitting downwind from flowers and receiving the nutrients of their pollen at the height of spring. This was the way, he said, that we can receive the love of nature and open our hearts.

I really do understand the healing of nature because I have been the recipient of its power and its beauty. The photo above is one I took 2 weeks ago because I needed to be reminded that there was still "color" in the dead of winter -- we just have to be awake to it.

The basic Buddhist teaching is that we suffer because we FORGET who we are. And who we are is one with the earth, part of the flow of living beingness of the Universe. And when we get caught up in our ego, our thoughts, our need to control things -- our roots are in the air and we need to put them back into the Universe, to return to ourselves. This is the crux of what Tara's talk was about today.
And it reminded me of what my Kabbalistic teacher spoke to us about just one week ago in doing an exercise he calls "The Gods". That it is best practiced out in nature. And that we listen to our interior and to our bodies and we move toward the places we are drawn, that call to us. I am aware that when the weather is warm and I take my walks in the woods, I am most certainly moved to particular areas -- some filled with beauty and some that to the eye would seem ugly. I am understanding, from the practice of The Gods, that perhaps there is some sadness or some other aspect of human nature that might bring me to those places that do not have aesthetic beauty. I am looking forward to doing this with my full attention as Spring arrives.

Something from this talk today that really struck me: "We wouldn't criticize or judge ourselves or others so much, if we gave more loving attention to what is right here, right now in nature." Just this flower here. Just this bird chirping over there. Just this blade of grass coming up in front of me.

Now. Now. And Now.

I am aware that I spend a great deal of time in virtual reality. Lost in a trail of thoughts that can collect and build a story that can send me into a total tizzy and state of anxiety. And it is NOT reality !!!! If I do not come out of this trance and return to a state of presence, I can actually believe this virtual reality is the truth. To bring this into my awareness in this moment is startling and eye-opening.

I am also aware that when I am doing my AA program and when I am regularly doing my Kabbalistic practice, I am more here. I am paying attention to my inner nature and I am present to the outer nature of what is here. And I can notice and allow thoughts to go by or to even locate them and not have to do anything with them. They are just another "thing" that I give my attention to, nothing more. There is tremendous freedom in this.

I am aware that I have spent the majority of my life, both as a young person and as an adult in one of two states: lost in my head, consumed by thoughts that were riddled with self-deprecation and fear OR dissociated, disconnected and not present to anything that was remotely uncomfortable, unpleasant or had the potential to be painful. I had roots nowhere. I was not planted.

There was a great quote Tara offered at the end of her talk:
"Awakening is absolute cooperation with the inevitable."

She is talking about being fully in the flow of life, in the unfolding, in the mystery, in the unknown. This covers a wide spectrum from falling in love to being diagnosed with a terminal illness and everything in between. This is what we are taught in our Kabbalistic program. I am a toddler in terms of learning how to do this in my very adult body. And I am deeply grateful that I am no longer walking among the living dead, as a human zombie.

The world settled down is God.
God is the ground.

These two lines from the MAGI process remind me where I want to put my feet when I get out of bed each morning. And that I want to be planted in my life. To remember to put my roots back into the Universe.