Trusting how life unfolds ...

.freedom.
Originally uploaded by .krish.Tipirneni.
"We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. " ~ Joseph Campbell

"It is impossible not to walk to heaven or be pushed toward heaven or be kicked toward heaven while here on this earth. The great teacher is life itself. whether or not you have a human teacher, the great teacher is always in session, presenting the greatest lessons in the greatest way. Of course, we don't always trust life. life has hurt us. it can be unpredictable, changing course when we least expect-or desire-it. but the more we trust what life brings us on a daily basis, the more the mystery of life reveals itself, until, finally, we are life itself." ~ Jason Shulman, in his book, The Instruction Manual for Receiving God

These 2 quotes were given to me by people I love and who love me in just the past 12 hours. Receiving and taking in the essence of their messages is about trusting what is presented, what is here, and, ultimately, about how my life unfolds.

It is incredible to have had the experience last evening of the allowance of everything, sitting and resting with all of it, and then awaking to this day, with a renewed sense of hope, of peace, and of trust about what G-d has in store for me. In my prayers this morning, I put my hand to my heart and repeatedly just said: "YES". It was a saying YES to being here, as I am; it was a saying YES to turning my will and life over to the care of G-d; it was simply, a saying YES to my life, exactly as it is. I could feel the tenderness in this and the courage in this and the "no other option" than this, arising from deep within me.

And, too, in the background were fleeting, loving thoughts of what may have been my Sunday morning with my love had the plans been different. I smiled at those thoughts and I didn't push them away. The words in that moment were: "Not today. Another time that is right." I could feel an offering to those thoughts about noting they were there and gently letting them go. In the past, these thoughts would have plagued me, worn heavy on me in what I missed and lost and would have gone as far as to what I didn't deserve, how wrong G-d was, how perhaps none of this is meant to be. That is how quickly the stories of my wounding and history can unravel me, if I allow them. That is not the book of my life that I open today. This is where I feel tremendous gratitude.

Instead today, I spent a leisurely morning sipping coffee with my dog in my lap and listening to another Tara Brach podcast/meditation. Then went with her for a very windy, chilly walk.
A swim may happen or not. Seeing a movie is quite likely. And after that, it was whatever the day brings.

And I return, again, to the stream of my life. Where I surrender my need to control the outcomes and the plans. I can turn this over today. I can let myself wonder and anticipate the mystery of my life. And trust how it unfolds ...