Meditating on 9

Meditating on 9
Originally uploaded by playzwifstonz
There is something that has been working in me during the night and into this morning. It has to do with a message that was carried to me by a classmate in my Kabbalistic program at the end of our retreat yesterday. She approached me and said that she had a dream about me the night before and that there was a specific message: the number 9 has great significance and that I need to meditate on it.

This morning I was first moved to set up 9 candles in my meditation space, which is depicted above. The first things that came to me were these statements:
9 is the number of months that a child gestates and is birthed.
There is something about to be birthed in me.
It feels like this message that was carried to me was perhaps the seeds of my Future Self.
9 is the last primary number, so there's something about "completeness".

I then thought about numerology and how dates/years are assigned "life path" numbers when their digits are added up and then reduced to their lowest possible primary numbers (i.e. 1-9). My lifepath number is 8, based on calculating all of the digits in my day, month and year of birth. So, instead, I began to look at the number 9 lifepath years and a very powerful, specific theme in my life arose with each decade, confirming the presence of Future Self and how I have evolved,  been re-born,  been cultivated in my passion for what I do.

The year of my birth, 1962, was a 9 year (1+9+6+2 = 18; reduced to primary numbers, 1+8=9) This was a big WOW. It was this very year that I was given up for adoption.

The next 9 year was 1971. I turned 9 this year. It was in this year, in my birthday month, that my brother was conceived. It was this year that I was told that I was adopted. This has recently had powerful implications of the "turning point" this year held for me. It was a completion of any belief I held that my parents were my real parents. It was from this age on that I would quickly spiral in terms of having any real sense of identity and self.

The 9 year to follow this was 1980, when I turned 18. This is the year I applied to college, obtained a field hockey scholarship, and saw my "ticket to freedom" out of my parents' home. It was in the 9th month, Sept, that I entered college.

1989 is the next 9 year. This is the year I would say there was a strong presence of my Future Self. It was a "preparatory year" for major life-altering changes to come in the following year. It was when I heard the voice inside of me that said I needed to stop drinking. It was the year I did stop smoking, which took me 9 months. It was the year I began to peek in at gay bookstores and gay bars and I would then "come out" as a lesbian the following year.
This was the year I got my first "break" in entering the world of training/teaching. The seeds were being planted here for the work that is my passion today.

1998 is the next 9 year. This is the year I get accepted to grad school and enter the MSW program in the 9th month of that year. It is also in this very year that my then partner's first episodes of abusing substances occurs -- with pain killers. We take a trip that year to Yosemite and other parts of California with friends and it is disastrous because of how doped up my partner was for most of this vacation. My first contemplations of ending the relationship happen in this year and I push them away.

The most recent 9 year is 2007. This is the year I begin receiving Kabbalistic healings from my healer. This is the year I get my own place for the first time in 14 years, since ending the relationship with my ex. In the 9th month of this year, there is a pivotal, life-changing conversation with the now love-of-my-life. She approaches me to bridge the gap between us in our Kabbalistic program and I express the attraction and feelings I have had for her that has kept me at a distance. It is the beginning of a deep friendship where love enters in. Lastly, it is also in this 9th month of this year that I get my first opportunity to teach at the local Community college.

The 9th step in AA is about making direct amends.  I believe my money issues and the need for financial amends are right here.

The 9th line of the Kabbalistic MAGI process is:   The world will respond and signal.    This definitely calls me to attention and presence.

I am feeling the power of 9 in my life as I walk through these #9 years. I can feel the turning points, the "gestational" periods that have brought me to places of healing. The fact that last 4 of those #9 years were to prepare me for being a social work professor. A "home" that I have found in the classroom, something I have longed to do for the greater portion of my adult life.

The next #9 year is 2016. I will let myself feel and be curious about what "seeds" are now being planted. Where I am being led, what is my work ahead, what is in store for my life?. Is the message of 9 being carried because I am coming to a place of completion in some area OR am I instead, "conceiving" and preparing to birth something ? I will listen closely to the voice of my Future Self. And continue meditating on 9 ...